Archive for: July 2007

by Peter Murphy

Good conversation starters put people at ease immediately. That is how all good conversations start – when people feel comfortable and relaxed. To start a conversation like that is a skill – and you can learn it.

“The achievement of your goal is assured the moment you commit yourself to it.” Mack R. Douglas

By: Joe Farcht

Long ago, a man asked for just one thing. He did not ask for riches, a fabulous life, material possessions, or anything of this world, but he asked for wisdom. When the gift of wisdom was bestowed upon him, all those worldly things materialized. That man’s name was King Solomon, the richest man to ever live. Bill Gates and Warren Buffet’s wealth are not even close to what King Solomon enjoyed. The dictionary describes one who is wise as “marked by deep understanding, keen discernment, and a capacity for sound judgment.” To possess understanding, one must possess extensive knowledge, experience, and a sound capacity for using it.

The opposite of wisdom is ignorance. Again the dictionary defines ignorance as, “destitute of knowledge or education. Resulting from or showing a lack of knowledge or intelligence.” Ignorance usually results in poverty, loss of security, desperation, and often in exploitation. Ignorance manifests just the opposite results from that of wisdom. Consider the many countries of the world. Where ignorance reigns, what are the conditions of society and what do the people experience?

By Jon Mercer, MA

A question that comes up pretty often is, “How do I know if I have social anxiety or if I’m just a shy person?” The fact is, even though there are clear differences between the two, it is often difficult for someone to tell when they are trying to “evaluate” their own situation.
In fact, shyness can appear very similar (or even identical) to social anxiety on the outside, but on the inside, a very different process is taking place.
Social anxiety produces a feeling of being “attacked.” Everyone with SA will recognize the feeling I’m talking about-it’s not just the feeling of being uncomfortable around people; it makes you feel that you must immediately defend yourself in some way, often by getting out of the situation ASAP!
Shyness, on the other hand, doesn’t produce the same “fight or flight” feelings around people. I once heard it described this way: “Shyness can make you feel uneasy around people, but it usually doesn’t physically hurt you-social anxiety can actually be painful to endure!”
The irony is, even though shyness and social anxiety are quite different, they are both based on habits we fall into, and they can both be eliminated by beginning to change these habits.
It strikes some people as odd when I tell them that they are shy or they have social phobia because they have “fallen into” habits that cause them to feel that way. But it’s absolutely true. The habits that produce these feelings (and other anxiety and panic attack feelings) are all based on where and how you focus your attention. That’s right: what you give your attention to will determine whether you suffer with the problems or not.
The worst of these habits is focusing inward. Just like everything else in our lives, focusing inward excessively is a learned and self-perpetuating habit; the more you focus inward, the more it becomes your habitual way of responding to life and the stronger the habit gets.
Of course, the problem with kicking an old habit is it tends to be difficult (the ex-smokers among us can certainly vouch for that). That’s why programs like the EasyCalm Coaching Series and the Social Strategies don’t actually ask you to “drop” any of the habits you currently have. Instead, they ask you to start a few new habits that will “block” the old ones.
The key is to add new habits, not to try to eliminate the ones you have. EasyCalm and Social Strategies are two methods that are both based on this method of eliminating anxiety-but the fact is, everyone who successfully overcomes anxiety problems (and even shyness) uses this method-even if they are not aware of it.

By: Dr Harry Henshaw

Positive self-esteem is very important if not crucial to our happiness and well being as a human being. Having positive self-esteem can make the difference in that which we take on in life, in that which we go about achieving and creating. Having positive self- esteem also allows us to have healthy and joyous relationships with others, to experience true intimacy. One could also assert that having positive self-esteem gives us access to genuine spirituality. Poor self-esteem, on the other hand, creates the space for us to experience a great deal of negativity in life including depression, anxiety, fear, stress and loneliness. Negative or poor self-esteem is also highly correlated with alcohol and drug dependency. Some even believe that a negative or poor self-image is the source of such addictions.

While it appears that the importance of positive self-esteem is somewhat understood, the unanswered question has always been about how to improve or enhance a person’s self-esteem. Some belief that a person’s self-esteem rests upon them being successful, in accomplishing that which they take on in life, of achieving goals that they have set for themselves. As a result much effort is put into assisting others in effectively and efficiently planning their doing in life. Others believe that our sense of self-esteem is determined by the type of relationships that we have, that by surrounding ourselves with positive people who will appreciate and acknowledge us that our esteem will be positively impacted. To this end training is given to help a person improve his interpersonal skills, how he communicates and relates with others. While both of these endeavors are important, it is not the having or doing that creates positive self-esteem. Ones self-esteem is not given or to be obtained from without, external to the person.

Keep on keeping on and you will be pleasantly surprised by what you will get just when you need it. Keep sowing positive seeds and they will grow and eventually overtake you. I have two friends who I helped indirectly. Unbeknownst to me I had inspired them with my dedication to personal growth and by constantly maintaining a positive mental attitude. I had even encouraged them personally from time to time.